In the Pursuit of 'Sparkle'

Au Revoir!!

So back from Portugal and off to Paris on the next adventure, 24hr turnaround is all part of the action, grabbing hours sleep when i can and living off adrenaline, fruit and black coffee. Love being young and care-free!... Blog posts and new outfits a-plenty will be coming your way showing the epitomy of joie de vie and Parisenne chic (or at least that's the aim.!) so wish me Bon Chance and stay tuned....

For the Journey...

Peace and Love x

“I’m going to turn into a prawn! Go back to England small and pink…”

Okay so try and guess what the favorite food of this holiday was... yes prawns! The Prawns in Portugal are MASSIVE , in England a prawn is basically a ttiinnyyyyyyshrimp and frozen in a little bag. These come straight off the boat and taste A-MA-ZING! Half the fun is the 'finger food' aspect, its like when you were a little kid and part of the fun of KFC or a Birthday buffet was getting your fingers all covered in yummy-ness and liking it all off at the end (I loved doing it with Wotsist, oddly enough its the same hue of orange)

ANYWAY.... we had them cock-tailed, Piri-piri'd; with spaghetti and with bruschetta; with wine, with sangria and with burnt limbs the same color as our chosen delicacy.

Gonna miss you lil guys!

Drunk prawn...

Peace and Love x

The Pizza Conqueror

I have a confession... I am a recovering anorexic...

I cried last night, I mean great heaving, can’t breathe sobs. ED had been vanquished and all his rage and my frustration was flooding out, tension being released and a river bursting the dam. All that anger at myself for letting ED get away with making me unhappy, mourning of skinny-ness passing and the pain held inside for so long was coming our in a torrent of red wine induced tears. I finished a whole pizza last night. Fair enough it had no cheese and yes it did have a whole meal base, it wasn’t very large and I had a salad to start and no pudding, but it was still a whole pizza and I finished every last crumb. It may not seem big to an outsider, it may even seem pathetic but to me it was like I had conquered my Mt.Everest and reached a real turning point in my recovery. ED was trying to tell me I was being greedy, that I had already been feeling fat and out of control today, that I was losing my restraint and grip of myself but he was silenced by liquid courage and sparkle’s voice taking over, Lagoh telling me what she craved and me allowing her to have her say, give her some control and listen to my inner voice, not the nasty hobgoblin gremlin on my back with his arms around my neck slowly choking the life out of me. I felt that even through an alcoholic haze I had come to my senses, made some sort of rational order in my mind. I allowed myself to enjoy what I craved and yet still felt in control. I separated myself from ED, I was me again. The tears were not the result of regret or guilt as I usually perceive them to be, but a release of energy, the letting go of tension, of ED, allowing myself to indulge meant I could breathe again, they were happy tears, tears of pride and of accomplishment. I was more than ED, I am more than anorexia, an eating disorder, a shadow. I am Lagoh, I am more than I can and ever will believe possible. I am infinite and most of all I am me and for the first time in a long time, in the masked guise of a healthy pizza, I loved me.

One very Sparkly Girly...

Peace and Love x

And now for the Wardrobe....

The look this holiday was brighter the better, all neon tie-dye and clashing prints (as previously demonstrated) Here are some more prime examples of my summer ‘sunshine lookbook’ enjoy…

However… I do want to share this quote with you from Leo Tolsoy’s ‘Anna Karenina’ to prevent this post becoming too focused on shallow vanity… “No you will not escape us and will not be different, but will remain such as you have been: full of doubts; full of dissatisfaction with yourself, and of vain attempts at improvement followed by failures, and continual hopes of the happiness which has escaped you and is impossible for you’ That was what the things said, but another voice within his soul was saying that once must not submit to the past and that one can do anything with oneself. And obeying the latter voice he went to the corner…”