Monday, 28 January 2013

Its Ok...

So exams are over, I am out of hibernation/post-exam hangover and afresh (kind of...) to start a new term. For this post I thought i'd ramble about what got me through exams and what I hope will spur me on to make this semester even better than the last.

The girls reading this will probably be aware of the regular feature in a certain women's monthly magazine (don't think i can name it for copyright reasons or something) which never fails to make me smile. The 'It's Ok' section, for those of you who are not familiar, is basically a page which makes you feel okay about being normal, here are some examples...

1) Its pretend its your friends 'fake' birthday to get a free cocktail at Chiquitos... (guilty)

Happy 'Fake' Birthday Beth!

2) Its Ok... to head straight for the sale rack in any high street shop (yes even Primark) and ignore all the 'New Season' stuff and buy things purely on the basis that its a £1. (guilty)

3)Its Ok... to spend 3 hours straight playing Pokemon Fire Red on your Game Boy Advance DS complete with walk-through guide so you don't have to use your brain. (LOL jokes i'm not that sad..... okay i'm incredibly guilty)

My point is no-one can, as much as they try, live the TOWIE, MIC or Skin's lifestyle 24/7 and sometimes you just have to accept that this is your life.

It is a well known fact among my friends that i am THE stressiest person when it comes to the exam period... (and essay period... in fact most of the time) ANYWAY this time around I wanted to find a way to chill out a bit, kick back, and basically not become a hermit wrapped up in my own anxiety.
Therefore I decided on a new motto...


This doesn't seem like much, but when you come from a school whose motto is 'EXCELLENCE NOT PERFECTION', it may at first glance seem achievable but when excellence is the fall back plan, you really don't allow yourself much room to fall.

This change of attitude all started when I reached 'normal' on the BMI scale and actually felt 'Ok' about it. It was strange because I had always thought that losing weight was a way of showing I wasn't average and I wasn't just a shadow in the background to be forgotten about. In hindsight it was the wrong way of going about it and it turned into some that I couldn't control and made me disappear even more (both literally and metaphorically). Reaching a 'normal' weight was something i'd been terrified of since agreeing to recover because once you're out of it there is nothing to hide behind, you are stripped of your security blanket and laid out vulnerable with only yourself to blame if things go wrong, I can't blame ED anymore because he's gone.

After thinking it through and acknowledging that the world was this big scary place that I do have to face at some point,  I questioned why I felt such a need to prove myself, why wasn't myself good enough?
As your classic teenage girl (although not for long EEK) I guess its not a strange to admit low self-esteem, in fact... guess what... it's normal. It's normal to compare yourself to others in order to either make yourself feel even shitter or better depending on who you're comparing yourself with. Its normal to idolize  the 'reality' lifestyles on TV and imagine that one day you will be able to shop in Harrods like a true Chelsea girl. (sorry sideline thought... has anyone else questioned how the hell they can walk around London with bare legs in winter? ITS FOOKING FREEZING!)
And its normal to think that your best wont be good enough... but let me tell you YOUR BEST IS GOOD ENOUGH!

Here is why...
1) You are and individual! There is only one version of you with your eyes, your experiences, your silly little habits and your smile.
2) If there is only one version of you then there is no competition for someone else to be you. YOU ARE IT.
3) If this is the case then you are no.1 at being you... i.e. the best

THEREFORE... logic dictates that you are the best version of you. CONGRATULATIONS!

So this may seem silly and slightly reminiscent of those stupid philosophy theories which you annoying cant dispute or punch holes in (damn you Plato and sod you Kant) but you have to admit it does make you feel better.

Glee, Mean Girls, High School Musical and all that other american crap have alot to answer for when they categorize teenagers into stereotypes and yes I realize they champion the underdogs but they still explicitly show that they still arn't the best or the most popular despite their moral superiority. What kind of message does that give out!? If you are yourself you are still not going to be a Jock or a Whiz Kid or whatever but at least you'll be yourself. We what if 'yourself' is better than being a Jock or a Whiz Kid, what if there is no such thing as your average Jock or Whiz Kid... What if being you is a group on its own. Yes its scary and yes it means you have to forge your own path but that's whats exciting.

I have realized that I can't and shouldn't hide behind stereotypes any more. It may have worked as a kid when you were trying to fit in, but as an adult you have to break out of your shell and pursue what will make you proud of the person you have become. Its not easy and things might not work out how you planned, but you can never stop being the BEST.... You're no.1 remember.

Now go out there with a smug smile on your face and annoy everyone with your moral superiority! :D

I'm so moral...

Peace and Love x

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