Ok, so it has been an unforgivably long time since my last post... I blame life getting in the way!
The whole point of this blog was to share my personal mission to regain sparkle in my life and, ironically, it has been neglected due to sparkle being found!!
As most of the regular readers know, or guessed, I have been battling an eating disorder for about a 3 years now... BUT, I am proud to say, that (from a physical perspective) I am a healthy 8st 4lbs (54kg) and have a BMI nearing on the expected 20.
So first and foremost I would like to thank all the amazing support i have received from family, old friends and new friends. (yes this is the cheesy bit!!! This post gets better honest!!!)
Sparkle is regained!!!
The title of this post is due to the fact that i have just finished reading Ian McEwan's 'Enduring Love'. For those of you who haven't read it... firstly, its a classic how have you not read it??!! and secondly, it really does make you question how you think.
Basically this guy is a classic boffin, i mean like really smart. He rationalizes everything and believes that everything can be explained by empirical evidence and rational deduction. When his life is changed after a hot air balloon accident (yeah that's the odd bit) he realizes over time that, as hard as he tries, he cannot reduce everything to logic.
Things don't always happen the way he expects them to. Jed Parry (basically his new stalker) is one of those people who believes... yano, without evidence. He is religious (i think, even though i assume he is also homosexual)... but basically what I got from this book is that the believer didn't need proof, and he knew exactly what he wanted and went to go and get it (even if that meant stalking).
The main character who rationalizes, becomes obsessed and crazed trying to make sense of this bizarre situation. He pushes away his friends and girlfriend and his life begins to revolve around trying to understand the irrational
BASICALLY... from that I took that if you try to rationalize everything you will drive yourself mad. While I have physically recovered, that little voice in my head is still there and that's the final step to overcome.
I really empathized with the main character. I try and make sense of the world around me. Its like when you're a kid and you keep asking 'why?'. Making sense of the unknown gives you a feeling of control and calm and yet some of the best times I have in recent months is when i've let go of that control and just BELIEVED that everything would be okay. It'd all work out.
I'm not trying to preach and i'm certainly not advocating regularly going out and going mental but what I am saying is sometimes, trusting in yourself and knowing that whatever life throws at you is an opportunity to catch and not be hit, then happiness will be the result.
I'm right in the middle of my end of second year exams at the moment, (so this could be seen as horrendous procrastination) but I KNOW I'LL BE OKAY because by just doing your best when you can and making the 'right' decision when you're given a choice means that you can never regret the past and you can look forward to the future while LIVING in the present.
Interestingly, the balloon accident consists of the main character letting go of a rope (read the book cba explaining) and when he lets go the crazy starts, he retreats into his mind... i don't think that's right (sorry Ian) I think when you let go you have the ability to be free, to escape your mind and just be.
Let go and let the Sparkle in.
Peace and Love x
OOOO P.s. spamming time please vote for Jem for MTV student of the year, it takes 30 seconds and she deserves to be rewards, she helped bring back my sparkle <3 nbsp="" p="">http://studentoftheyear.mtv.co.uk/student/jaiminee-patel3>